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Years ago I was firmly but lovingly removed from a position I held at work. Though my leadership believed in my future potential as a leader, they felt like I needed to grow personally, and that remaining in my current position would hinder that growth. They gave me no concrete hope for future advancement, but added that they saw a lot of potential in me if I’d be willing to walk the path of growth.

I responded exactly the way my 5 year-old daughter would….only with less maturity.

As I was living my little pity party, I ran across a friend I hadn’t seen in some time. I energetically laid out before him my tale of woe – being careful to chronicle all the wrongs done to me.. He listened patiently, then looked at me and said something akin to , “I’m sorry to hear that, but you now have a great opportunity.”

WHAT????

He continued, “You could continue going through your life the way you always have, being tripped up by the same difficulties. ax-grinding-jigBut the time you’re being given is a gift! Remember, the woodsman never wastes his time when he stops to sharpen his ax.”

Twenty-some years later, I couldn’t be more grateful for my friend’s words. He gave me a great gift….the gift of seeing the futility of pounding the tree of my life with a dull ax. Sure, I could continue to beat away at the trunk with what amounts to a sledge hammer, but I’d leave the stump discouraged and exhausted. With a sharp tool, I can cut through it with effort, but without frustration and discouragement.

Thanks, Rob, for giving me the gift of seeing trials as a growth opportunity and not as punishment.

What’s your story?

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The date was June 20, 1999.

I remember the date clearly because it was my mother-in-law’s birthday celebration, and everyone had gathered (as they always do) at her mother’s farm to honor her. It was also Father’s Day, and oh yeah….the final day of the U.S. Open at Pinehurst.

My wife’s family hails from Springfield, Missouri, and her aunts and uncles went to the same high school as Springfield native Payne Stewart. In fact, my wife’s grandmother and Bea Stewart, Payne’s late mother, were great friends.PS

If you watched the tournament, you may remember that there was another drama unfolding – off the course. Phil Mickelson’s wife, Amy, was due to give birth to their first child that same day, and Phil had already stated that he’d walk off the course if he heard she was in labor. The leaderboard ebbed and flowed, with playing partners Mickelson and Stewart both looking like winners at different times. What a great day it was!

Back on the farm, where 30 or so people crowded around a TV watching their favorite son, the emotions ran high. While there was sentiment for Phil, everyone wanted to see Bea’s boy win his 3rd major championship. They reached the 18th, where Payne ended up with a 25 footer to win. When he drained the putt, the crowd at Pinehurst didn’t have half the energy of the living room at the farm. I think they heard our roar in St. Louis!

While it was exciting to watch my wife’s family go nuts when Payne won, it was even more amazing to me to see Payne’s first words upon winning. He immediately walked over to Phil Mickelson, grabbed his face in his hands, and said, “you’re gonna love being a dad!”

Early in his career, Payne Stewart wasn’t known for being the most gracious guy. But he grew up, and on one of the world’s biggest stages, the character he developed over the years gave all of us something to aspire to.

I miss him.

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microwaveI was in my last year or two of high school when my parents bought their first microwave. It was so exciting! For a child of the 60’s and 70’s, I felt like I had just entered the Star Trek era. In goes frozen food – out comes a beautifully prepared, delicious meal.

Then we began to actually use it. First of all, the thing was the size of a Smart Car – and just about as useful! (Okay, that was a cheap shot.) Then, when we turned it on, it sounded like a 50,000 watt transformer was switched on! I’m also pretty sure the seal wasn’t perfect, which might explain the 3rd eye growing in the middle of my forehead.

The truth is, while a microwave is a useful tool, it’s not the right tool for everything. I love to eat, and when I go to an elegant restaurant, I’m glad they don’t prepare the entire meal in a microwave.

As a “Type A” kind of guy, I need to remind myself constantly that bigger and faster isn’t always better. Better is better. Most often, meaning, purpose and beauty are found in nuance and subtlety. I’m glad that Steinbeck and Dickens didn’t write in Cliff’s Notes. I’m glad my friend and artist Mako Fujimura takes the time to meticulously prepare his materials before he starts creating his amazing works. It takes time to create, and it takes time to experience someone’s creation.

When I read a great book, experience a great work of art, or eat a gourmet meal, I’m glad that not everything can be summed up in 140 characters. (Check out this hilarious video that illustrates this beautifully.)

To be sure, there are many situations where I am glad I have a microwave at my disposal. Like most of us, I’m a busy guy with a busy family, and I often need to move quickly. While I do appreciate the convenience, what I really appreciate the time it saves to free me up to savor moments that are begging to be savored.

What’s your story?

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Oak TreeI can’t remember when I first heard it, but there’s an old, oft quoted anecdote that I love. A father and his son entered the dean’s office at the university the younger man was to enter. The father told the dean that he wanted his son to graduate as quickly as possible so as to embark on his career. “How fast can we make it happen?”, he asked. The dean paused and said, “Sir, when God wants to make a squash, He takes three months. When He crafts an oak tree, He takes 100 years. Which would you like your son to be?”

I love that! We live in a culture where we glorify speed and expediency, with character and process often being overlooked. We don’t want to wait for anything, which is why we have mounting debt, financial scandal, unwanted pregnancies and any number of other consequences.

This blog isn’t here to bash those making expedient decisions….I make them too. I just hope we can encourage each other to take the longer view – making oak trees, not squash. I hate squash….